the City is Burning

Greetings, ‘Sconians! It’s been a little over a month since I was officially declared City by you fine people. It was a hard fought battle, but I think my public criticism of L.A. finally put me over the edge. In addition to dropping negs on those fakes down south, I’m throwing down some “you’re so dumbbells” on our current mayor.

Sorry, Grasshopper Alec Kaplan, I wouldn’t be very 415 if I didn’t have something political to gripe about. His recent actions have made it quite a challenge for me, especially in the workplace. The homeless lady and her cats occupying the office next door aren’t doing a very good job of cleaning up after themselves – smells are starting to creep.

Ever since he got his medallion and purple cab back, Grasshopper has been on a tear. In addition to legalizing marijuana, painting the walls in the basement of City Hall pink, and providing more jobs to beady-eyed nervous people that can’t sit still, our mayor has even pissed off the sex workers. His new initiative of Free Love 2.0 has made it so that the world’s oldest occupation isn’t profitable.



Who knows what 2017 will bring?